Not always easy

So, I said that I was going to meditate every day this month, and after that I was going to write something. Gotta tell you, I really envy people for whom that is easy. It’s not easy for me.

But I am starting to understand that it is important. Both the meditation and the writing heal things that just existing (or reading, or doom scrolling, or playing games) doesn’t heal.

My college roommate wrote every day in a paper journal, and I was envious of that at the time, envious of what that would mean later when she could look back on her WHOLE life, and not just on the random things she happened to remember. First, what we remember is really just a tiny amount of what happened, and also, the act of remembering it changes it. What we actually remember is the last time we remembered it, which means that our very clear memories of formative events are really just the end product of a loooooong game of telephone.

And, frankly, letting yesterday slip into the mountain of unremembered things is OK. It wasn’t a remarkable day. I woke up at the time I do, I fed the cats, I put some ice in my water bottle, I made some oatmeal for lunch, I made a bottle of soda. I wrote something. I meditated. I took a nap. I finished a decent romance novel, and failed at starting a library book that just didn’t appeal in the moment. I surfed the Internet for a while. I talked to my mom about our ongoing quest to divest the family of a long-unused timeshare.

It was a boring, unremarkable, forgettable day. And there are more of those than not. So when it’s a boring, forgettable, unremarkable day, what to write about. What do I want to remember about yesterday, when I look back at this entry in ten, twenty, thirty years?

It was a day that I showed up for myself. It was a day where I prioritized self-care. It was a day when I took cues from me, from where I was in the moment. It was a day when I kept the promises I have made to myself. It might not have been particularly memorable, but it was still a good day.

Today, there is a ton of stuff going on, so tomorrow I should have plenty to talk about. But those days can’t be every day. I need the quiet of the in-between days to make the busy days possible.

Now, I am going to go make a cake, but before that, the good stuff:

Thursday, August 6th

Yesterday, I read 250 pages, meditated for 35 minutes, napped, and focused on gratitude for the things I can afford. I made bread that cost $10 to make, and I was aware that that is a privilege to be able to do. Also, naps. Naps are awesome.

Love y’all.