Hyperfocus and a multi-track mind

I finished a book last night, around 2 am, and my first thought was “I’m still awake…I should get a head start on tomorrow’s blog post.”

Friends, that way lies madness.

I am someone who is quite prone to hyperfocus, and doing something I love so hard that, after a fashion, I don’t love it anymore. When I did my “52 reviews, 52 weeks” project, I got about 48 weeks in before I could not stand to even think about the blog anymore. And I didn’t blog for long anough that people asked me “whatever happened to that blog you were writing?”

The problem was that I just put too much into it. I treated it like a job. I had a posting schedule. I was posing five times a week, and it was regimented. It was sort of the way that influencers build their audience …except I am no influencer, and I had an audience of about 20 people on a good day.

It was insane and it felt like work.

So last night, when I had the instinct to over-do, I stopped, asked myself what the actual FUCK I was thinking, and did some book research instead. Always on the book lookout, me.

And here I am, writing happily, during the time I have set aside for writing this month.

Now, my friend Steve is going to say that I should write every day, that I should write SOMETHING, that I am happier and healthier when I do, and there is something to that, if I can keep it contained, keep from making gantt charts. Keep it from controlling me, the way I let it four years ago.

Last night, as I was sitting here reading…wait. Something isn’t going to make sense in a minute. So, a little background.

Beginning in 2020, during the very beginning of the pandemic, I started having zoom calls with various friends during the week. It was a way for terrified people to be terrified together, and also a way to keep in touch with folks that I wanted to be in touch with. Those calls persist to this day. The thing about one of the calls, is that sometimes we talk, and sometimes, we just sit together and do our own thing. It’s weird, but it’s not unlike having college roommates. Sometimes you hang out, and sometimes you just sit on the couch together, doing your own thing. So, I read during many of these calls.

Also, I learned a finger-counting method called Chisanbop in gifted class when I was a kid. I still use it to this day, usually to count how many days till my library book is due, or how many letters a word is for one of the word games I play. Stacey, on the call with me, knows this because we have talked about it in the past.

Ok. Back to the story.

I was sitting here last night, when Stacey said “you are doing that finger counting thing you do again.”

Except that is not what I was doing. I was reading, likely with the left side of my brain, but the other half was…doing something else. I had the chorus of Harry Styles’ “Are You Listening Yet” stuck in my brain, and my thumbs and pinkies were stimming like mad fools along with the lyrics. My feet were also going back and forth on the recliner. 123441 123441 123441 123441. Back and forth through the chorus, and then again. And again.

At some point, I started whistling through my nose as well.

Never lost my place in the book. It’s just that half my brain was…bored?

So, that’s just a little taste of what it’s like to live inside a mind that is NEVER quiet, even when doing quiet things.

Before I start talking about what I am reading next for the read-a-thon, a word about yesterday’s book. And that word is

Seriously. So good. To paraphrase an ACTUAL influencer, read this shit.

Today, I am reading the newest Christina Lauren romance, The Romance Revival. Got it from the library, after patiently waiting for months.

So, that’s all from here today. Before I go, though, here’s the good stuff:

Yesterday, I read 84 pages, meditated for 20 minutes, and was grateful for my husband for not letting me starve. He handed me a ham and cheese sandwich, just as I was almost hungry enough to take a bite out of the cat (making him also what Sami is most grateful for). Got some groceries, and hung out with my zoom buddies. It was a very good day.

Love y’all.