Of communication and grief and social media and the TikTok ban

Today’s post started as so many have in January, with one of them fancy fauxanuary prompts:

First, I have to admit that I was happy that this was such an easy and direct question. I’m in the middle of the latest Louise Penny Armand Gamache book and except for Spanish class and a shower, planned to do fuck-all other than read today. So, easy-peasy answer:

All the ways.

But then, the muse—who I guess is also fucking DONNA for good or bad, reminded me of friends who are going through some grief right now, and that made me think about how fortunate I am to still be in contact with these friends to even know of their grief, and that made me think of Facebook and how grateful I am for it despite its deficiencies, and that made me think of the looming Supreme Court decision about the TikTok ban…

And here we are. Writing.

I see a lot of people this year who are either announcing that they are leaving Facebook or who are contemplating leaving. And I get it, I do. Facebook is about thirty-five awful things and just the one good thing. In any rational pro and con list, it’s a no-brainer to leave.

But that one thing happens to be connection to people who mean something to me, and for me, so far, that has won out.

Is it toxic, yes. Is it divisive, yes. Does it worsen depression?Is it full of bullying and harassment, yes. Does it contribute to a sedentary lifestyle? Yes. Are there SERIOUS privacy concerns? Yes. Does it spread misinformation? Yes.

It collects too much data. It convinces you of things that aren’t true. It’s full of trolls and bullies. It has no content moderation. It stands in the way of you being more productive.

Yes, yes, yes. All these things are true.

But without it, I would not be in touch with a tenth of the people I am in touch with on a regular basis. I would not be in touch with my high school bestie. I would think about her constantly. Hoping she was all right. But I wouldn’t know where she was or how to find her.

I wouldn’t be in touch with about 100 people that I have met on the internet over the years, people whose company I really enjoy, but people who are not geographically anywhere near me, and people that I would have just…lost track of over the years.

And do not get me started on my family. I see more stuff from my cousins than I would see if we lived in the same town. I know more intimately what’s going on with their lives than I ever did when we saw each other more often.

Connection. It counter-balances all the rest of it.

And because of this connection, I know when my people are hurting. I know when they need comfort or support or a kind word.

And yes, we could write letters, you know, like VICTORIANS, but we won’t. We won’t. Because that takes time, and a ton of effort and hand muscles that none of us have any more.

And I guess we could talk on the phone, but…no. That…we are done with phones.

So. Yeah. I’m not leaving FB any time soon, and I get that it probably makes me part of the problem.

But this TikTok thing really scares me. I mean, I love TikTok, and I have to put serious limits on my participation or I will do nothing for ten, twelve hours at a shot. So it’s dangerous, FOR ME.

But if we let the government make decisions about what we can watch or listen to or read…that’s a bridge too far. If they can ban TikTok, they can ban protest songs or Salman Rushdie or Dancing with the Stars. They can decide that ANYTHING isn’t “good for us” which actually means “doesn’t align with our goals” and just…make it go away.

And China, algorithm, blah blah blah. All the other social media has gathered far more and is doing far worse with it. This app is being banned because someone could conceive of a way that the Chinese might use it in some hypothetical future that could be considered “anti-American.”

Even if that is true, and I am not convinced it is, well, so? We are grown-ass adults, and we have the first amendment to protect our rights to make those choices, and not to have the government make them for us. So.

And I am sad for my friends Leslie and Steve, and I am sad for my entire generation who is now on the cusp of the mass loss of our parents. And I am not sure about you, but I am so not ready. Not ready to lose them, and not ready to be the elders of this society.

I mean, we will knock that Elder shit out of the park, don’t get me wrong. But most of us still have to call our moms to ask how long to boil eggs so…not convinced that we are ready to be in charge of the whole shooting match. Not ready to be the one that everyone points to when they are looking for the adult in the room.

If I am the adult in the room, we are fu-hu-hu-hu-hucked.

So.

How do I communicate online, she asked, realizing that she never actually answered the question.

All the ways. Facebook. Messenger. Text. Zoom. Instagram. Bluesky. Email. WordPress, duh.

Love y’all.